O Kaoru, My Kaoru, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me!
by GhostfaceScylla
Summary: THIS STORY IS FINALLY COMPLETE! Unknowingly, Kaoru has made a promise and desires revenge... What happens when she falls in love with the one she's supposed to hate? Please read 'n Review! K&K fic ;)
1. Kaoru's Promise

The day my world shattered:

*sits on santa's lap*

"And what do you want for Christmas, little girl?"

"To own Rurouni Kenshin!"

" Hah! Well Rurouni Kenshin is trademarked, so you can just have coal! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

yep. Still recovering from that one. Well here you go kiddies, a dark little story for all who wanna read it:

          Meiji. What a peaceful era. There was no pain in the Meiji, only memories. Haunting memories of dead samurai lords that insist on making polite conversation with me amidst a backdrop of nightmares. And my brother. Sometimes at night, when the wind whips cold around the dojo, I can hear him calling for me, asking me to join him, begging me to avenge his wandering soul. His crimson words make my blood freeze inside my arteries. Who can I call for on such horrible nights like these, when I am reminded of a promise made long ago?

.

.

.

.

.

2 YEARS EARLIER

.         

.

.

          "State your name please?" a tall, black haired receptionist asked me. "And what business you have here?"

          "Kamiya Kaoru. I was-" cut off short in mid-sentence by her apprehensive glare. 

          "O-o-of course, right this way, ma'am." She lead me through a door marked private and into a shabby western-style office with a desk, a couple of chairs, and a strange smell of half-eaten calamari and unfinished jobs. There was a man behind the desk, tall and handsome, with raven hair that defied gravity. He did not fit the office and payed little attention to me, sucking the last puff out of his cigarette. 

          "Won't you have a seat, Kamiya?" he said, through slanted eyes, "it is not often that I see an accomplice from the bakamutsu."

          "Wolf, I was hoping to avoid you until we met in hell." I spat through my teeth. "What is the meaning of this? I'm through with your conniving ways! I'm not a killer anymore and I refuse to be blackmailed into being one!" I threw the piece of paper I had brought with me on his desk. It was a simple note from wolf-man that read "Kamiya, Police HQ 1:00". I had found it under my pillow, where I had always found my instructions. But I had given up the spy life after the return of the Meiji and hadn't received anything from my old supervisor, Saitoh, in over 10 years. 

          He took his time in answering me, an eternity on my poor heart. "Kamiya, have you ever wondered what happened to all the courageous men that fought during the bakamutsu?"

          "No, Saitoh, I'm sure they all ended up being wretched conniving policemen just like you." I smiled sardonically as the room grew colder than the sea at Hokkaido. 

          "Funny, I thought you'd be interested on taking out the man that killed Kamiya Honda. After all, your brother was such a good man and a-" I cut him short. Now Saitoh had really made me angry. 

          "Battousai is dead. He died in the bakamutsu. He is NEVER coming back. I cannot take revenge on a dead guy!"

          "And that, my annoying little spy, is where you're wrong. He's quite alive. He's just been scarce these past few years. Changed him name to Himura whatever. Wandered around Japan for a while. When the Meiji government found out that old battousai still walks with us, they got a little scared." He stopped to puff on his cigarette.

          "go on…" I prodded, my eyes wide with anticipation.

          "Well, you can't expect them to let a man like that walk around. What if he brought to light all the people he killed on orders of the damn bureaucrats that are now sitting in office down at city hall? Wouldn't look very good in the publics view, now would it?"

          Saitoh was starting to annoy me, the way he was rambling on and on. "SO WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ME?" I screamed.

          "I gotta order here from some high and mighty official to take care of the battousai. Shut him up for good, but really quietly…. There is to be no public fuss involved. 'Let him just drift away slowly', it says. You were always best with this drifting stuff. I just want to go kill the bastard. So how about it Kamiya? You wanna take the case? You'll be heavily compensated for your time…."

          "And wind up dead in a fight with battousai…. No, I don't think so wolf. Do your own damn dirty work." With that, I turned on my heels and began to walk out the door.

          "How about for Kamiya Honda?" the wolf had cornered me. There was nothing left to do. I had to avenge my brother that the baka battousai killed. I took my orders from Saitoh and met Himura Kenshin the very same day. Under a childlike façade I hid myself and he never expected a thing. Heh. Stupid men.

ME: Okay, that's all for now! Please some nice person, review my little fic and you will get chapter  2! Wave bye-bye, Ken-san!

Ken-San: Muhmph…muff…muhumph!!!

ME: what was that? Oh… *takes sock out of Kenny's mouth.

Ken-San: I said, " I CAN'T MY HANDS ARE TIED!!!

ME: oh, yeah, right… well, until next time!

Ken-San: HELLLLPPPPP MEEEEE!


	2. Kaoru and Kenshin, a dissapointing talk

Hello my dear Ken-san Fanatics!

Some people were sweet enough to review my work (bless you!) so I am giving ff.net chapter 2 of my angsty/romantic fic. I know some people were confused with what was going on in the first chapter, but don't worry, you're supposed to be confused! I'll clear it up in time! Btw, I'm going to double-space my work from now on, because I found it really hard to read on the website. This is going to make everything look much longer than it is, but really, it's not that long!

Before I start: my shrink tells me that I never have nor will I ever, in this dimension or any parallel existing dimensions, own the rights to Rurouni Kenshin. I told her that on Beta Ship five I owned half of him, and she put me on prozac …mmmm ….prozac …. yummy! Well, on with the fic!

*last chapter summary*

            We began last chapter with an introductory paragraph (from Kaoru, fyi). She was talking in the present, that is, two years after Kenshin came to live in her house. She then entered a flashback sequence that lasted for the rest of the chapter. The flashback was before she knew Kenshin, and it was a conversation between her and Saitoh. Saitoh has been instructed by the Meiji government to do away with any Bakamutsu warriors that have "dirt" on the Meiji government. Himura is one of these warriors. Back in the bakamutsu, Kenshin (unbeknownst to him) killed Kaoru's brother, Kamiya Honda. Kaoru wants revenge against Battousai and is Saitohs' logical choice to carry out the government's wishes. She agrees, and meets Kenshin later that day, inviting him into her house to lure him into a false sense of security….then she would kill him. But what happens when she begins to fall in love with him? Hope that clears things up!

"………….." someone speaking

'……………' Kaoru thinking

Got it? Good!

THIS CHAPTER STARTS 2 YEARS AFTER THE CONVERSATION WITH SAITOH

            Ghosts haunt me. They lurk in the shadows and whisper fulfilling deadly prophecies in my ear. They warn me to be careful, to guide my heart. These spirits say my heart will be the death of me, that I am too open, that I need to guard my feelings behind walls and layers of concrete. I heed their warnings. Each morning, I wake up and paint a face of placidity and innocence over my jaded features. No one, not even the legendary killer can tell that my laugh, my smile is a farce. 

            For two years now, I Kamiya Kaoru have been living under the same roof with battousai. Yes, battousai. Not Kenshin, not Ken-san, not Himura, just battousai. In the bakamutsu, Saitoh taught me to never become friendly with your acquaintances because you never know when you will have to slice them in two. I have taken this into account, and built a protective barrier between the battousai and me.

            It was strange to awaken day after day under the same roof as the man who killed my brother. It was even stranger to see this man, this cold blooded killer, up to his katana in soap suds, washing my kimono. I sat on the dojo porch swing and watched battousai in his placid rurouni state, those purple eyes like pools of welcoming bliss begging me entry. Wait, did I just say that? Get a hold of yourself, Kamiya…. Honestly, sometimes this smitten act I put on in front of the others starts catching up to me. 

            Battousai looked up from the laundry and stared directly at me. He parted his lips. "Is there anything wrong, Kaoru-dono? You seem a little bit pre-occupied today."

            I smiled so wide my jaw began to hurt, "No, Ken-san, I'm fine. I was just wondering when dinner would be ready." 

            Battousai cocked his head to the side, like an innocent springer spaniel and said, "Sessha must finish the laundry first, and then sessha will get started on dinner. It will be just the two of us tonight. Sano is going out with an old friend that is in town."

            "And Yahiko?"

            "Yahiko is at the akebeko with your nieces." Battousai turned back to his beloved laundry and I went inside.

            'Great,' I thought, 'just great, Kamiya. Stop shaking! Why do you always get so worried when it's just the two of you? He has no idea that you want to kill him…' 

            My subconscious screamed back, 'That's not nerves, Kaoru, that's butterflies in your stomach! You like the guy!' 

            'Battousai?' my conscious mind questioned, 'I couldn't like battousai… of all people…. But I am just a bit nervous, I'll admit.' Dinner rolled around sooner than I expected or wanted it to. Ken-, I mean Battousai, escorted me to the table and set me down opposite him. He had really gone out of his way. He had washed the good linens and prepared a delicious meal. He even served me himself. Candles lit the room and gave it a romantic feel. Of course, I was wearing my standard Kaoru-Dono passive smile all through dinner. 

            "This is excellent, Ken-san!" I mused, between bites.

            "Sessha is glad you like it, Kaoru-dono." There was a slight pause and his beautiful indigo eyes (oh, Kaoru, here you go again) flickered with a thought. "It's strange," he finally said, "with everyone in the house gone, it seems so quiet….and cozy."

            'This was odd,' I thought. 'Ken-…ahem… Battousai isn't behaving like his normal weird self '. Then he did the strangest thing, he took my hand in his. Crimson hair began to fall in his face, and he led me away from the table out into the night air. He stood me out under the stars and took my small face in his killer hands. He tilted it upwards towards the heavens. 'What is he doing?' I thought, a little bit apprehensive. The so-called "butterflies" were starting to flitter around inside of me. I had never experienced this emotion before, the way I felt when he touched me. 

            "Kaoru-dono," when he finally spoke his voice was strained and far away, "Do you ever feel alone in the world?"

            "Yes, Ken-san. I think everyone does." I said, painfully. And then thought, 'God, he really is a lovely man.'

            "Like among all those stars, that you might just be insignificant?"

            "Go on…" in prodded, adding in my thoughts, 'Remember, Kaoru, he's the one who killed Honda.'

            "Well, that is why sessha is sessha. I am unworthy of you because you are the galaxy and I am just a small star." A storm was raging in my head. 'think Honda…think Honda…'

            "But when I am beside you, Kaoru-dono," 

            'oh, kami-sama, what is he doing…Honda…Honda…'

            "I feel…at peace with everything."

            'Honda…HONDA!'

            "You are the light of my life, Kaoru-dono, and I…."

            'oh no…'

            "love…"

            'anything but … please not …'

            "You."

            My heart felt like it had been stretched so far that it was ripping into pieces…right down the middle of my left ventricle. I couldn't….I wasn't…in love with the target……

Kaoru doesn't fall in love. Kaoru is cold and full of ice and that was that. I could only think of one thing to do, to smooth things over, but these damn butterflies… they made me want to kiss him and do away with him at the same time. I had been silent for a great while, and he began to fidget. 'I have to…. I'm sorry,' I thought, 'but there's no way around hurting you eventually.'  I placed my hands firmly on his shoulders and looked into his expectant purple eyes. 

            "I love you too, kenshin! After all, you are my best friend!" I smiled through his pain and I watched his face fall like lightning crashes to the sky. I pretended not to hear his long sigh as I scurried back in the dojo. He stood there under those stars, feeling utterly, utterly alone. 

WOW! I really want to do more, but it's getting late, so I need to go to sleep. Next chapter, Kaoru explains exactly why she did what she did, and gets a call from our favorite lone wolf. Oh, and for everyone who's wondering, major angst is just around the corner!  Remember, reviews=next chapters, so review away.


	3. I Will be Ice Again

Hey folks! Wow, this is going a lot quicker than I thought. This thing is only gonna have 3, maybe 4 more chappies, so I'm really in the middle now… I'm only giving a short summary of last chapter b/c I thought it was pretty self explanatory. 

Oh, and once again… Kenshin?!

Kenshin: You don't own me, that you don't

Me: You are correct, that you are

Last Chapter Summary *Kaoru and Kenshin are all alone in the dojo. It's dinnertime, and everyone else has places to be. Kenshi, seizing the opportunity, professes his love to Kaoru. Since Kaoru's an old Bakumatsu spy, and since Kenshin is her target, she can't love him… or can she? After telling him that she loves him as a friend, Kaoru runs inside the dojo*

"……….." someone speaking

'……………..' Kaorus' thoughts

            The past is a funny thing. You can kill it and bury it so deep that even the flesh eating worms can't find it, but still, on cold, clear, moonless nights… it will rise up and devour you bones and all. These past transgressions, the will to kill, they all belong to the bakumatsu. They belong to the old Kaoru, not me. But how can I separate the two, and continue to coexist? The past is part of me, ingrained in my soul. I cannot help the way I behave, I'm just not made for these times. 

            After I was back in the dojo, I very calmly went to my room, closed the door, laid out my tatami mat, and had a nervous breakdown. Hot tears flowed so fast from my eyes that my tear ducts began to sting. I hadn't felt so awful, so confused, since….well, I had never been this confused over anything. Somewhere amidst my shaking psyche, a small voice inside of me began to rationalize all the muddle. It progressively grew louder, forcing me to listen.

            My sole purpose these last two years was to destroy Battousai, for the good of my brother, and for my honor as a Bakumatsu spy. Back in that turbulent time, I had seen many things that no human being should ever have to lay eyes upon. I witnessed the streets run with blood like the river Styx, I had observed insanity in the purest form, but most importantly, I had seen Honda.

            Kamiya Honda, my sweet and gentle brother, was never an exceptional man. Granted, he was a samurai, but none of the Daimyo knew him by name. He was not amazing with the sword; he preferred the arts, haiku and woodblock paintings.  So how did such a man get so entangled in the affairs of such a turbulent time? I do not know. Maybe he thought it would win him recognition or fame. Maybe he believed in some silly ideal like peace or love. I will never know, because there on the streets of Edo one cold winters night, my brother died in my arms after a fatal sword slash.

            As long as I walk this earth, I will never forget his dying eyes. They begged me to do something, anything to subdue the pain that was coursing through his body. I sobbed into his long hair and whimpered his name, and that, my friends, is all I could do. He touched my cheek, ever so delicately brushing away a tear and said in a breathy voice, "Kaoru. Sweet Kaoru. I don't want to die…" he stopped and coughed for a good thirty seconds, and then continued on, "but now I understand that I must. I am afraid, Kaoru. Please don't leave me."

            "Honda… Honda I wouldn't…couldn't." he held a finger to my mouth. 

            "Listen, and remember. 

                        The cherry blossom,     

                        Feels the artic fall air and,

                        Yearns for springs gone by."

            Those beautiful words. It's taken me years upon years to understand them. With that as an epithet, Kamiya Honda drifted away and offered himself to Kami-Sama. 

            I laid him down among his blood and stood to face his killer. The man had been standing a few feet away, watching our melodramatic scene unfold. He stepped out of the shadows of a nearby building, his crimson hair flowing about his amber eyes.

            "Who are you?" I demanded, prying the Kamiya Family Sword out of the lifeless hands of Honda. I readied my defensive stance, awaiting his reply and attack.

            "What audacity." He spit in my general direction, "you? A mere peasant girl, want to fight Hitokiri Battousai?" At the sound of his name, my upper lip trembled. I had heard his name before, he was the legend. I managed to get out a defiant resounding "YES!"

            Battousai charged before the last letter of my words fell on the earth. I had no idea what had happened, he was nowhere, and everywhere at once. Then he knocked me down in the wet, muddy streets and held his sword to my throat. He snarled, and I closed my eyes waiting to feel deaths great shroud around my shoulders…but nothing came. I half opened one of my eyes, to see his yellow dancing eyes stare back at me. He laughed, a sickening, stomach turning laugh, and sheathed his sword. Through tears, I saw him walk down the angry streets and watched my chance of avenging my brother and my dignity disappear.

            I had waited so long after the Bakumatsu to try to find Battousai, but to no avail. He had just vanished after the war ended. But I held firm to my hopes that we would meet again, and trained relentlessly with Saitoh. I became the night, the shadows, the darkness that haunted me. I was the artic fall air, always on the edge of death, and dangerously icy. 

            And here I was, some 12 years after Honda's death, with Kami-Sama smiling upon me like never before. Battousai was in my house, and I could take all the time in the world to dispose of him. 

            'You've broken his spirit, Kamiya Kaoru.' I said to myself, 'half the battle's won, you've rendered him dead inside! All those weeks of pretending that you loved him, and he finally fell for it!'.

            'Then why do I feel as if someone is holding a razor-edged sword to my neck', something said deep inside of me. 'I'm flushed. I feel dizzy, as if the entire room is spinning. I can't stand him, yet I cannot bear to think about him leaving. Oh, what have I done to him, the gentle rurouni! I can picture Kenshin now ju-' my brain froze. I had just called him Kenshin.

            'K-k-k-Kenshin? Oh, Kaoru, do you really love him?' I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and smiled a bit. Then the spy in me started talking.

            'Kaoru, you idiot! You're not in love with him, you're just such a good actress that you've even convinced yourself. Spies do not fall in love! Spies are as frozen as the tundra!' My inner spy was right. If I wanted to keep any of my self respect, this object of desire, this Kens-…Battousai must be taken care of. Having emotions hurt too much. I must be ice again. 

Hmmm…..once again, much longer than I anticipated. I know, I know, I promised you Saitoh, but he'll come up again eventually. I just needed to get Kaoru's emotions and motives all out there…. They'll be very important in the upcoming scenes ;)

Remember, review, review, review, review, review!


	4. Dancing With the Night

Hello again, kenshin fans!

Love and sheer appreciation to those who have reviewed…. You are the only reasons that this chapter is going up. You rock my socks!!!!!!!

I've decided to answer a few of the reviewers q's about last chapter:  
Cat Foxglove: Kaoru is 19 at this point: 2 years with Kenshin in her dojo, 10 years of Kenshin's wandering where she trained with Saitoh, which means she was about seven when Honda died. She was a child spy in the Bakumutsu, easy to come by and easy to dispose of. Yes, it's AU, but in the same time period as the actual story.

Tanuki-San: YOU ROCK J I was so afraid that no one would get what I was doing….. I'm so glad, and relieved, that somebody did!

Sango Himura: yes, I know, only one more chapter after this one… but if I make it any longer, it just wouldn't fit! Thanks so much for the kind review!

Kibou eien: Thanks for reading and sticking with me!

Hungry Sano: awww… thanks! *blushes* I wanted it to turn out well, we'll just see how it goes.

I3al3yanime: hope you like where this is going!!

This story has been going by really fast and will be done soon………………  It's just been a joy to write it!  
Me: Kenshin, do I own you?

Kenshin: no, I don't believe so, de gozaru yo…

Me: *waves 10 dollars in Kenshin's face* NOW do I own you?

Kenshin: ughhh…. 10 dollars?! Sessha is quite insulted!

Me: this is a reminder to all you greedy corporate moguls out there. Depicted from the following scene, Lara-Chan is a broke, ff writing, college student, and there is no point in suing her for the owning, or the lack thereof, of one, Rurouni Kenshin. 

Well, on with the story:

Last chapter summary * Kaoru contemplates her 'love' for Kenshin and the inner workings of her past were revealed*

            My inner spy was right. If I wanted to keep any of my self respect, this object of desire, this Kens-…Battousai must be taken care of. Having emotions hurt too much. I must be ice again.

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            It is possible to move like the shadows upon the wind. Quiet yourself…listen to your breathing and the lull of the crickets. Become one with the earth, imprisoned by its beauty. Let time roll over you like water down a rainspout, and now stop motion all together. Time freezes, and somewhere between a moment and a heartbeat, you are free. Without the constraints of time, you can roam the uncharted areas of the mind. But what happens when time crushes you underfoot and breaks your dreams…and bones? So often wasted, so little used, time laughs at our pathetic human ways, as it counts the sand speeding through the hourglass. 

            The moonless sky invited me in to its serene bliss. It took it upon itself to become one with me and quiet my reckless soul. The chaos that churned inside me, deepening my sorrow with each step, was numbed by the absence of that yellowish orb. I took out a long box from the back corners of my closet and unsheathed my katana.

            I had been but a youth when I last beheld it… it stood there shimmering like a sword of justice, my family name scrawled across its tip. I was so naïve back then. No more, no longer would I bury my head in the past. Vengeance tastes like sake. Vengeance can make you drunk, too. I was so self righteous as I slipped on the black gi and covered my face with a black mask. Tying my slick black hair back I became a walking angel of death. I smiled to myself, 'Kaoru, before long it will be over. You are Kami-Sama's judgement personified. You will deliver unto the sinner what is due. Battousai dies tonight and you can become cold once again.' 

            I floated down the hall like an apparition towards his room… his light breathing came through the doorways. He was helpless, I knew. I could do away with him in no time. Placing my hand on the paper thin wall, my instincts began to kick in. All at once I was upon his sleeping form, sword unsheathed, and then a din of metal careened through the a-….

            'Wait, din of metal?' I thought. 'Battousai should be in two by now!' I looked down, expecting to see blood on the form, and instead, saw my katana clash a shining katana. He was standing in an instant, his amber eyes glowed with the fires of Hades… all at me.

            "Who are you," he growled, "and what do you want here?" I had nothing to say. I backed up into an offensive position, and let my sword rip through the air towards him. He blocked it with graceful efficiency, while protecting all of his vitals. The force of his defense sent my flying back across the room. 

            "Why must you torment us?" his eyes began to darken more, "If you're here for my Kaoru, prepare to die. You will not taint her!" What had he just said? Taint me? HIS KAORU?! I was the ICE! No one OWNS ICE! 'This will end' I thought.

            "Battousai," I grumbled, trying to disguise my voice, "I wouldn't think of the girl any longer, her past will be your undoing. You should concentrate on righting your soul to meet the judgment that is Kami-Sama." and with that, I ran out the dojo door through the woods, with the angry ex-assassin on my heels. 

            The night air cut through my lungs and made my muscles ache with the passion of the eminent kill. I was so sure of myself. Tree branches whacked my petite frame as he chased me through the forest. I stopped in a clearing devoid of trees, and raised my sword. The rain was beginning to fall ever so slightly, making my gi stick to my cold, wet skin. Battousai traipsed into my ring of death. 

            "How dare you talk about her." He said in an animalistic tone, "you have no right, you base assassin. You don't know what justice is!"

            "I? I don't know what justice is, Kenshin? Me of all people? Well, I guess we're both about to find out." I didn't try to change my voice at all, just let the reality soak in. His amber eyes were loosing their ferocity and his hair was matted to his forehead with rainwater and sweat.

            "K….K….Ka-" rurouni said. I pulled off the black mask and threw it on the damp ground. His eyes….so much pain in those eyes…

            I didn't care. He had his sword hanging at his side and I charged, charged with all my might, in a blind rage. I knocked him over on his back, flat on the ground, and held my sword straight to his delicate throat.

            "But Kaoru-dono, why?" he said, clear and unafraid.

            "WHY? Poor rurouni doesn't remember his long list of sins? I'd be happy to remind him." a sardonic smile crept upon my face. "You killer. You cold blooded, ruthless killer. And then you think you can just wash off the blood of the innocent like you wash the soap from your clothes? So your little rurouni soul is nice and clean now, huh?" I poked the sword a little closer to his neck. "huh? Answer me!"

            "Kaoru-Dono, sessha didn't mea-"

            "Cut the sessha shit out! I don't wanna hear about your little guilt trip any longer, you self righteous bastard!" he started to say something. "Don't speak. Just listen. You cannot forget those lives you stole, as if they aren't a part of you! As if you don't carry the heavy guilt wherever you go! You remember a man named Honda back in the bakumatsu?"

            "There were so many people back in the bakuma-"

            "IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION!" I screamed. "Battousai, you, and your two hands, and that katana you swore to protect me with… you killed my brother Kamiya Honda." His eyes flashed with recognition. He began to sink deeper and deeper into the ground. I went on. "My kind, sword fearing brother, you slaughtered mercilessly on the red river streets of Edo. What regrets. Do you have any idea how many sleepless nights I've spent with Honda's ghost? Driving me nuts! I can't take it any longer, you must PAY!"

            Kenshin Himura looked up at me with helpless doe eyes. "Kaoru." A long pause ensued. Then finally, "Kaoru. I never meant to cause you, or any living thing any pain. I know I can never atone for all my sins, and I was willing to try… to live peacefully." he faltered, then continued onward, "But each tear you cry is like a thousand katana's pushing into my body. I love you, Kaoru, and I always will. There's not a thing you can do about it. I know you better than you know you, and I love you for everything you are and everything you're not. I won't fight with you. I want you to feel better…. I want you to be happy, to live. To give joy to someone like you have given joy to me. If you have to kill me to do it, then don't delay any longer."

            "It was smart of you not to fight me, Kenshin. Would you care to close your eyes?"

            "No, I'd rather die staring at your lovely face."

            The sword was right there, on that unbroken flesh. A little closer and the lifeline, the string of fate that holds us to this world, would snap in two for Battousai. I edged the blade closer to his neck, the Kamiya scrawled on the tip flickered and shone brilliantly in the rain. A small trickle of crimson began to flow down battousai's neck, staining his gi. 

            Just then a sharp pain went through my heart. At the sight of his blood, my eyes grew wide and I choked. Something inside me clambered up from the depths of my soul and was screaming inside my head. Just a little more pressure…. A little more and it all would be over. I could go on living without Kenshin Himura.

I could go on without Kenshin Himura.

Without Kenshin Himura.

I could not

I could not go on

I could not go on without Kenshin Himura. 

            Hot tears began to stream down my flustered face. I flung Honda's sword to the side, away from the man I had formerly known as battousai. I felt my legs give out and crumple underneath me, as my fists beat the earth in pain and agony. Kenshin stared on, not knowing what to do. I looked into his placid eyes. I had been…such a fool. A fool to think that people don't change, that time can't make all the difference. 

            "Kenshin… I'm so sorry. Can you…..ever……..forgive me?" I stuttered between sobs. My whole body shook for what felt like an eternity. He did not answer. I placed my face in my hands and shut out the world, knowing I had driven away the only person who genuinely cared for me.

            Suddenly, I felt two strong arms encircle my little body. The soft sleeve of someone's pink gi began to wipe the tears from my face. "Kaoru-dono," my rurouni said placidly, "You…. You are the universe, and I am just a lonely star."

            "Kenshin…..?"

            "Yes, Kaoru-dono?"

            "I….uh…..I love you…I love you so deeply…..." I kept repeating the heavenly words like a mantra, while my right hand held his neck, trying to stop the blood flow.

            "I love you, too, Karou. And I always will." His forgiving arms held me as the rain beat down on us. We were two lovers, held in sheer bliss for a moment in time, suspended above our inevitable fate. We did not know how precious this moment was, or how much we should treasure it.

            Over across the clearing, leaning against an ancient tree, stood a watchful wolf shielding his cigarette from the downpour that was upon him. He contemplated the two innocent forms in front of him, his prey. They would make a nice meal, he thought, such blissful deer clinging to each other benevolently. The lone wolfs eyes pierced the storm.

THIS IS NOT DONE!!!!! In fact, the last chapter is written and typed up on my computer, waiting to be sent to ff.net. want it? HAH! You must review first!

……………………..please?

I wuv u all!!

Well, 'till next time, and remember, reviews=last chapter 


	5. Two StarCrossed Lovers

            Thou hast reachethed the last chaptereth of this Fan-fiction. Thou arteth truly dedicated. I would like to remindest thou that I, the Author of Divine Providence, dost not owneth Rurouni Kenshin or any of the lines from Romeo and Juliet just in case thou art inclined to be a baka and thinketh I do (I wishith I was Shakespeare).

But Kawaii Lara-Chan does own the Haiku! ;)

Kenshin: You're gonna make us do Shakespeare?! That's not in my contract!  
Me: calm down, red-headed rurouni, and just read! Good lord, you'd think I'd asked you to kill someone! Hehe Lara Chan loves torturing the RK gang!

"……………." Something said by a character

'…….............' Kaoru's thoughts

_Words written in italics are not said or thought by anyone. They are there for literary content._

ENTERING ANGSTY ZONE       PROCEED WITH PROZAC

            Fate pulls taut a golden thread and holds a razor, precariously above it. Sister Fate smiles her mouthless smile and lets the razor graze against the thread. Above the string, a picture hangs of sweet daylight. The music of life flits through the air, and clear water flows from streams with no bottom. On the other side, all is black and the smell of pain lingers in the air. High pitched screams wail from an infinite abyss of torment, a cacophony of sounds spiraling towards an ultimate, untimely disaster. Fate smiles because a life hangs between her fingers….she throws back her head and cackles as she breaks the string in two with one fell swoop of her judgment guillotine. 

            I vaguely remember, for the coldness of death that clings to my shroud does not permit me to remember such things. Sometimes, when the voices rise out of the pits of hell at a fevered pitch, a rate too high to think of anything but madness,  I can see the scene played out before me. Actors on a stage tell the haunting tale of two lovers destiny…. I cannot lie,  I felt it, even though I could not read ki. As I lay in Kenshin's arms that night, something changed drastically about the way the air felt. It grew cold and unforgiving. Kenshin's body suddenly shifted under me, and before I knew what had happened….

Saitoh.

He had been hiding in the clearing, watching us with wolf's eyes…with a wolf's taste for untorn skin. My back, my open vital had been facing him. It was too inviting. My spy instincts had failed me, and another opportunity might never come. He…

            He lunged for me, to do away with any trace that remained of his pathetic bakumatsu spy. Kami-Sama, if only I had tasted the lick of his blade, but my sweet rurouni…my rurouni, my only love so new found.

            Kenshin hurled me through the air, far from Saitoh's attack. I landed across the clearing, and looked up just in time to see Saitoh's blade flood into my love's chest. 

            "Noooooo!" I ran between the now upright Saitoh and my Kenshin. Saitoh's sword was dripping with the crimson life of the warrior. Kenshin delicately placed his hand to his chest, trying to protect my virgin eyes, as I fell down next to him. Tears began to spill over and pair down my cheeks, a flood of hot pain dripping onto the already soaked ground.

            "Kenshin… let me see." I whimpered, removing his hand.

            "Karou….." pain shot through his eyes as he said my name. "Kaoru, it is all right. Please don't cry…. Don't leave me." The gash in his chest. So beautiful, his testament of his love for me shown brilliant like a gem upon his chest. 

_            No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church door, but 'tis enough, 'twill serve. Ask for me tomorrow and you shall find me a grave man. _

            The rain poured down on his mangled form as I lifted him into my lap. "Kenshin, please, you mustn't leave me! A few moments ago, we just found each other! We can have such a beautiful life, just hang on for a few moments….please, love." Raindrops mingled with my tears.

            He gingerly took his hand and brushed away the stray hair across my worried brow. "Shh, Kaoru. Lets not talk of the future, just let me gaze upon you now. Kaoru, I love you. I love you so much, and I will wait forever. You are…" he began to cough, hard. His whole body trembled below me. "safe. That's all that matters."

            _Here will I set up my everlasting rest and shake the yoke of inauspicious stars from this world wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last! Arms, take your last embrace! And lips, o you the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss a dateless bargain to engrossing death. _

I pressed him hard against my chest and lightly brushed my lips against his forehead. "I love you, my darling. We will find bliss, I promise we will."

            He smiled, but not a rurouni, inscrutable smile. He smiled a smile of pure and sheer happiness, and his purple orbs stared into my heart. "I know, my sweet. I love you. I love you more than I have time to say. We'll finish this conversation when I see you again. I am no longer afraid….. just let me look into your eyes."  There was nothing to say, except everything I had ever felt. The only words that came to me were Honda's as I brought my mouth to his ear. Longingly, almost breathlessly, I uttered,   

                        "The cherry blossom,

                        Feels the artic fall air and,

                        Yearns for days gone by."

            He coughed, and I brought my face to meet his eyes once again. "That's so beautiful. You're so beautiful…" he stammered. "I love you. Goodbye my universe, my Kaoru. This lonely star grows dim."

            "No……." I brought my lips upon his, in a fury of the storm and my tumultuous feelings. I deepened it and felt the presence of his tongue, and then, his beautiful life slipped out of my hands. His rurouni hair was damp, and my tears flung up from my shaking soul to dampen the earth even more. His blood, his essence, was caked on my gi, his presence was in the air about me. It was in the tall bamboo shoots, in the raindrops that licked my tired features. Lifting his reverse blade from his weathered hands, I laid him out on the forest floor, a fitting bed for my king.

            Saitoh had been watching the entire scene unfold, studying our plight, as Kenshin's life drifted out of him like his blood. My small hands trembled as I flipped his sword and ran my fingers against the abrasive edge. 'Such a heavy sword,' I thought as my gaze fell on the human carnivore. He was standing in offensive position, ready for me to hurl myself at him. 

            "Why?"

            "Because you fell in love with the enemy. Because you put you over everything else. YOUR HAPPINESS IS NOT THE PRIORITY, KAMIYA!" he spat towards me.

            "But why did you go after me? Why didn't you just try to kill him? If you just went after him, he could have avoided it!"

            "You are a disgrace. A DISGRACE! Everything I have taught you! Years and years of teaching you how to be like a spy and you waste it all by going soft! I cannot stand to look at you, anymore, Kaoru. You sicken me." Glancing across my shoulder at Kenshin, I readied my blade. My eyes drifted upwards, towards the dark sky and the thunderous heavens. The rain was falling in sheets, caressing my hair. 

            "Go ahead, Kamiya. If you have the guts. Go ahead, let's finish this here and now. Charge me." He said, with a slight smile on his face. I smiled back.

            "Mibu, you will live the rest of your life haunted by these memories. Regret will tuck you in at night and grief will rise to wake you in the morning. I will not be the one to determine your destiny. You have chosen your life, May it be exactly what you deserve."  I flipped the blade towards my own chest and held the point across my heart. Saitoh's eyes grew wide in uncertainty.

            _O happy dagger, this is thy sheath; there rust and let me die._

            Cold steel slid through my chest, into my waiting, aching heart. It felt so warm, and inviting, like I was coming home after a life of running. After 19 years of wandering, I had finally found my place. In death, I belonged. I drew the blade back out and gave the wolf a sardonic smile. Kenshin. I stumbled over to where he had made his eternal bed, and lay myself down beside him, hugging my now bloody chest to his. The blanket of death slowly consumed my whole body. It felt like freedom. "I love you… I'm coming… please wait." I closed my eyes and smiled. There he was on the first day we met, and there, when he said goodbye to me before Kyoto… and there, when he told me he loved me. He was just ahead of me on a path filled with cherry blossoms and birdsongs. He stopped and the wind rustled his hair. Extending his slender hand out to me, he called my name and I ran his direction. I caught hold of his hand, and I had found my bliss.

            The intrepid sun rose on a clearing, covered fresh with early morning dew. It's rays glinted upon a tinge of ruby, a poem of life scrawled across the ground. Red hair mixed with ebony, flowing on the soft moss of mother earth. Two lovers lay entwined, accepting the fate they had received with opened bosoms of crimson paradise.

_For never was a story of more woe,_

_Than this of Juliet, and her Romeo_

_FIN_


End file.
